How to Cook a Wife

(Advice to young men by an old man)

Start Cooking Early and Regularly

I was recently looking up a recipe for my annual baking of the “great” Australian Christmas cake when I came across this amusing “recipe” in a 30-year-old edition of the Qantas Flight Hostess Club cookbook.  Yes, once upon a time I was a Flight Hostess, back in the dark ages when it was still a glamorous and much sought-after career.  The recipe gave me a chuckle so I thought I’d share it with you.  All my male readers, please make a note of the excellent advice given!

How to Cook a Wife

• Having caught a wife, light the fire of love and see that a steady heat is kept in the domestic oven.
• Dress her generously and handle her tenderly, for a woman’s feelings are easily bruised.
• Butter her freely with compliments and stuff her with flattery, to which add a handful of chestnuts about her being the most wonderful woman in the world and that you never loved before and you could never love again — and so on.
• Be sure to season with a little time and do not on any account omit a bouquet of sweet herbs.
• Garnish with theater tickets and an occasional restaurant after the play, and serve with a rich sauce of affection.

This dish can be highly recommended as the pièce de résistance of the family menu.

The reason so many men fail in cooking this dish is that they do not regulate the heat sufficiently.  They start with too much fire which they soon neglect and let go out after a short time.