Midlife: Walking the Talk

Today I’d like to share a guest post with you …

Walking the Talk

Most conversations seem to be carried on while people aren’t moving.  Instead, they are seated around a table, in a restaurant booth, on a park bench, at an office desk.  Does their being sedentary affect the quality of communication?

Probably, yes.  For example, persons seated across from one another may be more confrontational.  As well, people seated may be more “fixed” in their viewpoints, just as they are fixed in their seats.  Furthermore, where you sit often signals who has more power.  The one at the head of the table tends to be the chairperson or the boss.  Spacing and seating like this are concerns of the science of proxemics devised by anthropologist Edward T. Hall and explained in his classic book, The Hidden Dimension.

What, if any, might be the advantages of talking while walking?

1.  When persons walk together, side by side, they almost always walk in rhythm, almost like a dance.  When “in sync,” we humans feel more similar and collaborative and thus more prone to common understanding and agreement.  That’s a plus.

2.  Talking while walking side-by-side has the effect of diffusing intensity because we’re not looking directly at each other.  Because we must look where we’re stepping, our full attention can’t be on the other person.  This lessened attention can also be positive, at least in certain situations.

3.  When we are walking, we are not only getting some exercise, but also our bodies are releasing “good chemicals” – the endorphins that lift our mood.  (Physicians typically prescribe “take a walk in the park” for patients who suffer from depression.) As well, even gentle exercise like walking can have the effect of raising the serotonin level in one’s system, the result being an enhancement of mood and reduction of anger and aggression.  Certainly, talking is more congenial when we’re in a good mood.

4.  Walking in nature can be especially powerful in stimulating good feelings.  Strolling through a rose garden, down a lushly tree-lined path, or in a redwood forest gives us awesome beauty and may induce a broader perspective on differences we may have with others. 

5.  For those who might think that to talk about serious topics we must be seated, as at a conference table or in a classroom, I’ll remind you of Jesus and Buddha, teaching their disciples while walking.  And of the “peripatetic school” of Aristotle and his own teacher, Plato, known for discussing big ideas while walking around.  In modern times, history describes significant diplomatic negotiations that took place during “a walk in the woods.”

6.  Finally, I have often observed “mall walking” by small groups of friends.  (Here in Las Vegas, far too hot for walking outside in the summertime, shopping malls allow these groups to walk for exercise before stores open.)  These groups are not only exercising, but they’re creating lively social events.  Everyone’s walking, and most walkers are talking.  And the socializing seems to be more fun than if they were sedentary in a coffee shop.

I hope this short article has given you some good reasons for “walking your talk.”  Doing so has some advantages.

(Dr. Loren Ekroth, a national expert on conversation, publishes a complimentary newsletter each week.  Subscribe at www.conversationmatters.com)

Midlife Stress: The Need for Approval Leads to Indecision

Here is the fourth post in my series of “are you plagued by stressful thinking patterns?”

Do you find yourself procrastinating frequently and unable to make decisions? A possible reason may be your need for approval.  Perhaps you need acceptance and permission from others so that you can feel comfortable in decision-making and daily living. The degree of the need for approval ranges from being self-sufficient to being dependent.  The more you need approval for your actions, the more dependent you become on others to determine your self-worth.

How many of the following statements are true for you?

• I harbor insecurities
• I am over cautious
• I seem wishy-washy
• I imitate others
• I am reluctant to try anything new
• I have many fears
• I appear anxious
• I need to put on a false front
• I tend to tell people what I think they want to hear
• I work hard for the approval of others
• I worry about whether people like to be with me
• I bend over backwards to please others
• I find it difficult to take control of my own life
• I worry about being rejected by others
• I always follow, never lead
• I fear risk-taking
• I fear making mistakes
• I am filled with self-pity
• I negate my own ideas
• I accomplish little on my own
• I have a limited social life

Any of these statements make an excellent starting point for EFT. If you would like help in getting rid of your need for approval, contact me at evelin(AT)blueprints4change.com or visit my website http://www.blueprints4change.com

A related post you may wish to read is Do you have a Poor Self Image? http://budurl.com/ep6s

Midlife Transition: Am I on the Right Path?

For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path that may have heart.  There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length.  And there I travel, looking, looking, breathlessly.
–Don Juan, in Carlos Castaneda’s  A Yaqui Way of Knowledge  (Don Juan’s Teachings)

Ask Yourself

• Am I passionate about the path I am on today?  Is my heart in it?
• Am I committed to following the path in its entirety?
• Am I so involved that it takes my breath away?

Take Action

• If you need to change the path, take the first step and do so, RIGHT NOW.
• Look at the path from ALL sides … engage in “out of the box” thinking.
• Choose to be FULLY on the path

Midlife Transition: Living Your Passions

If you’ve hit midlife and still feel that you haven’t experienced life to its fullest, now is the time.  Don’t wait until you’re at the “Bucket List” stage and time is running out.  

A key ingredient to living a fulfilling life is following your passions. If you don’t know what they are, take the time to discover them NOW.  Don’t give up on your dreams because you only have some vague concept of what they are. Do whatever it takes to get clear! 

If you’re giving up because of obstacles you’ve encountered, remember that it took Edison thousands of tries before he invented a working light bulb. Believe that you will achieve your objectives and you will.

Let your passion lead the way and persevere.  Living your purpose, your passion, is the true joy of life. 

True Joy of Life

This is the true joy of life.
The being used for a purpose
Recognized by yourself as a mighty one.
The being a force of nature
Instead of a feverish, selfish
Little clod of ailments and grievances
Complaining that the world will not
Devote itself to making you happy.
I am of the opinion that my life
Belongs to the whole community
And as long as I live,
It is my privilege to do for it
Whatever I can.
I want to be thoroughly
Used up when I die,
For the harder I work the more I live.
I rejoice in life for its own sake.
Life is no brief candle to me.
It is a sort of splendid torch
Which I’ve got hold of
For the moment
And I want to make it burn
As brightly as possible before
Handing it on to future generations

— George Bernard Shaw

Stress: Who has Control?

This is the third post in my series of “are you plagued by stressful thinking patterns?” 

What are your beliefs about who is responsible for what happens in your life? Specifically, do you believe you have control over your life or are you being controlled by something or someone else?

We become stressed not because of the circumstance/event/situation, but because of our perception of it. If we firmly believe that we, rather than some outside force, have control over our lives, then we have internal control.  If we think that fate, luck, chance or others play a dominant role, we are externally controlled. Allowing ourselves to be controlled is giving up our power. This leads to stress. When we give away our power, it’s like waking up in the morning and asking someone else how we should feel.

Obviously we can’t be responsible for everything that happens to us but we can assume responsibility for our reaction to the situation. Acknowledging that it’s “up to us” builds self-confidence and a positive self-image.

To discover if you are externally controlled, go through this list and add up the number of times you answer “true”.  The more “trues” you have, the less you feel you are in control.

• I need others to give me direction
• I focus on external/material factors
• I worry a lot
• I feel controlled by others and things
• The events in my life force me to be the way I am
• I do not control my life
• Luck and chance play an important role in my life
• I drift through life waiting for something to happen
• Others create the problems in my life
• I don’t know how to do things for myself
• I lack initiative
• I feel a sense of helplessness
• I feel empty and shallow
• I eat compulsively
• I am absent from work a lot
• I don’t aspire to much
• I feel demeaned
• I experience inadequate intimate relationships

For more information about stress management techniques, contact me at evelin(AT)blueprints4change.com or visit my website http://www.blueprints4change.com

To read the first two posts in this series, go to:

Are you Stuck Living in the Past?

Do you Have a Poor Self Image?

Midlife Transformation

Transformation

TRANSFORMATION

Transformation has its place,
Don’t get all upset;
By definition all things change,
We’re just not ready yet.

Transformation comes I think,
Often quicker than a wink;
Or years may pass before I see
Changes that occur in me.

Growing up or getting old
Requires change or so I’m told;
Compassion when applied to pain 
Transforms losses into gain.

Transformation equals change,
It’s mind or matter rearranged
And challenges when squarely met
Leave no room for past regret.

In the future I shall see
Just what has become of me.
Here I stand a single soul
Transformed by life as it unfolds.

 
Greg Wright (All-Around Artisans,
703-217-7253)

Are You Missing a Sense of Purpose in Life?

At midlife we are more apt to move from a focus on career, success and family to needing to find a sense of purpose, a chance to make a difference, a belief that what we do matters in the world.  We still want to feel challenged but not in the same areas that were important during our younger years. We yearn for the satisfaction that comes from making an impact, however insignificant it might seem to those around us.

Take a moment to ask yourself the following questions. Write down the answers.  Even if the answers don’t come to you right now, just asking yourself the questions can get you started on the path to self discovery and how you might make a difference.  

If you were able to create anything at all, what do you really want to accomplish in life?
When, where and with whom would you want to accomplish it?
How would you know when you had achieved it – what would it look like?
What is preventing you from doing it?
Do you currently have any resources to help you start achieving that goal?
What else might you need?
Do you know how to get the resources you need?
What first step could you commit to taking right now?
How do you feel about taking that step?

Just remember, you never know when “To the world you may be one person but to one person, you may be the world!” (Anonymous)

How Would You Like to Live in a Retirement Community at the Age of 43?

As we get to midlife some of us may be thinking of a retirement community as an option for the future. Or perhaps we are dealing with parents who are moving into, or should be moving into, a retirement community.  We want to do what’s best for them but do we stop and think about how it might feel to make such a move?  We can only imagine because unless we physically take that step, it isn’t real.  Do we understand the emotions involved, the social fabric of the community, the physical environment, the services that are offered unless we ourselves spend time there?  

My mum lives in a retirement community in Australia.  I can be there and notice how she spends her days, how she interacts and connects with the other residents but I can never feel the emotions of actually having to live there. Mum doesn’t like it, for a number of different reasons, never has, and never will, even after having lived there for some 20+ years.

Finding the best retirement community, either for yourself or your parents, can be an overwhelming task. I found it fascinating when the publisher of the magazine Sourcebook:Your Guide to Retirement Living decided to move into such a community, at the age of 43, to experience senior housing options first hand.

If this is a topic you have an interest in, you may want to visit his blog at http://www.retirement-living.com/publisher/ and follow his experiences. Makes for interesting reading!

Is Your Life in a Rut?

Most of us come to a point in our lives when we know that life isn’t working the way we want it to. We become aware that we need to make some changes.  It could be anything from losing weight to changing a job to leaving a relationship.  Life is about change.  We give ourselves many reasons to change but when the “rubber meets the road” we find just as many reasons for not being able to make the changes. 

In order for us to make life changes easier, there are a few critical aspects to consider:

Do you have a deep and sincere desire to change?
If you are not motivated or excited enough from within, chances are that your success will be limited.  If the change is for some external reason and isn’t for yourself, you won’t have the motivation to make it stick.  For example, if you want to give up smoking because your spouse is constantly nagging you, but you happen to like smoking, you will undoubtedly fail.

Have you taken time for self reflection?
Understanding how you might self-sabotage will help you overcome the obstacles that might stand in your way. For example, I had a client some years back who adamantly stated she wanted to lose weight.  After losing about 30lbs she would hit a plateau that refused to budge. Long story short – her “back story” was that if she lost the weight, she would become attractive to men and may have to date again.  Scary thought since she had been molested as a child.  Until she was able to work through that issue, she would not be able to lose the weight she wanted.

Are you committed to doing whatever it takes to bring about the change?
I can’t tell you how many of my clients say they will do whatever it takes but then don’t have enough “time”, “money”, “resources” to get on with it.  Some change takes time and you may run into a few “potholes in the road”.  Are you going to “hang in there” when you hit one of these “holes”?

Can you visualize what success looks like?
Without clarity, it’s hard to reach your goals.  Just like having a roadmap to drive across the country, you need to know where you are going. An excellent tool to gain clarity about what is important to you, one that my clients love, is The Passion Test™. See http://blueprints4change.com/passiontest.htm for further information or go to http://budurl.com/thepassiontest

Do you have a support system?
It’s important to be surrounded by people (family, friends, pastor, coach) who know what you are trying to accomplish and support you every step of the way even though you may stumble from time to time.

Change can be exciting and fun; it doesn’t have to be frightening and distressing. With the right tools and support, change can be empowering, increasing your self esteem, sense of worth and fulfillment in life.  Isn’t it time to get out of the rut and give it a shot?

What Do You See in the Second Half of Your Life?

In ancient times, a king had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king’s wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the king for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the big stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. On approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road.

After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. As the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the king indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.

The peasant learned what many others never understand….

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve one’s condition.

–Author Unknown