Are you Stuck? Take a Look at Your Self Image

When clients come to see me it is because they are “stuck” and can’t move forward in a particular area of their lives. The issue is figuring out what is holding them back. The fact that they have an awareness of lack of momentum is the first step. Finding a solution is a matter of discovering what past programming is influencing them in the particular challenge they are facing. 

I thought it might be helpful to go over some of the various areas in which any of us could have limiting beliefs.  The first of these is Self Image.

Self image is about how you see yourself and how you think others see you. Your self image determines the way you live your entire life and sets the boundaries for what you can and can’t do. You learn this behavior from those who have had a significant influence over your life.  Perhaps they transferred a poor self image to you or you internalized comments from others as being negative.

The following statements are ones that some of my clients have used EFT on.  If they apply to you, then there’s a great starting point for you to clear some blocks.

I feel inferior
I depend too much on others
I blame myself for everything
I embarrass easily
I hate the way I look
I agonize over life
I set low goals
I give up quickly
I avoid direct eye contact
I avoid issues in which I feel weak
I am a poor conversationalist
I don’t come across the way I would like
I get embarrassed when people stare at me
I don’t socialize at parties
There are lots of things I don’t like about myself
I dress sloppily
I suffer from emotional illnesses
I prefer to play it safe
I don’t believe in myself
I don’t trust myself
I don’t feel free to express myself
I suppress my creativity.

There are obviously many more but these are a start.  If any/some/all of these are true for you, start using EFT (or another technique of your choosing) to “chop them down” and notice how your self image becomes much more positive.

Stuck in a Rut? Check Your Attitude!

I just came across this poem written by a friend and wanted to share it with you. 

Consciousness Taken to Heart

Consciousness is what we know
It makes us who we are;
We trudge through ruts of mind and muck
Or dance among the stars.

Attitude defines our life,
Emotion makes the man;
The total of our actions
Sum up just where we stand.

Faith forms a self-imposed level,
Fear is a fable minds tell;
Consciousness is the result of our deeds,
We construct our own heaven or hell.

The mind records and then replays,
Sunrise to sunset the passing of days.
Consciousness requires time, the journey is one part
Events are filtered through our thoughts
Then settle in our heart.

—Greg Wright

If you want to get out of the rut and start dancing among the stars, take a look at what you are thinking right this minute.  If your thought is a negative one, release it and INTEND to think its opposite.  It’s an ongoing battle – negative thoughts become so habitual – but every time you become aware and focus on the positive, you are one step closer to living a more fulfilled life.

PS  The photo is one I took in Sedona, Arizona a couple of weeks ago.  The sunsets were spectacular!

Expectations: Should You Have Them?

Last night I was giving a seminar on developing a Personal Strategic Life Plan in order to live with more passion, motivation and “fire in the belly.” One of the principles involved in living a more passionate life is letting go of expectations which usually get us into more hot water than we can imagine. When we live in expectation, we are giving control to our ego.

If you stop and think about it, how many times have you been upset, frustrated, annoyed and downright furious because someone didn’t do what you thought they should? I bet your life is full of those moments.  I know I’ve had my share! 

We forget that just as we filter our thoughts through our own experiences and background, so does everyone else.  Just because we have certain sets of behaviors, doesn’t mean that the next person has the same ones. Yet we expect them to.  So when something doesn’t go according to our expectations, we get miffed.  Rather egotistical on our part, wouldn’t you say!

Think about the last time this happened to you. What other thought could you have had other than the one you did?  Perhaps you didn’t have all the facts as to why that person behaved the way they did.  Perhaps you thought the other person should change to match your expectation.  Trying to change another person is an exercise in futility, is extremely frustrating and can cause much damage to a relationship.  The only person you can change is yourself.

Expectations

So think about letting go of expectations and just staying open to what comes along.  I’m not saying here that you let people trample all over your boundaries. Just don’t expect them to follow your “shoulds.” It’s not easy but it’s part of the growth process.

Next time you find yourself with an expectation of some specific outcome, whether it relates to a situation or a person’s behavior, see if you can identify what faulty assumptions you might be making. Ask yourself if you truly understand the circumstances and become aware of the possible consequences of putting a lot of energy into your expectations.  Allow the other person to come from a place of integrity and values (even if you don’t agree) and allow yourself to be in alignment with your own values. You’ll release stress and tension and you might just learn something new.

Whew … isn’t that freeing!

What Do You Put in Your Circle?

What Ripples are you Creating?

How often do you react from habit or some internal motivation without stopping to consider the bigger picture or put yourself in another’s shoes?  Do you create inner peace or discord?  We radiate the thoughts and feelings we hold inside, whether we speak them or not. Whatever is spinning around inside of us is also flowing out into the world creating peace and harmony or agitation and dissension.

Intuition Improves with Age … Hopefully!

I don’t know how many times I’ve had the “sense” that I need to do something – drive to work a different way, call a friend at a certain time, spontaneously buy an item that turns out to be the perfect gift, etc.  Often however, my logical brain gets in the way and I rationalize myself out of it.  How often have you done the same thing?

Last week I had an “out-of-the-blue” urge to call a friend, for no apparent reason.  Although I was extremely busy, I decided to pick up the phone and call anyway.  As it turned out, her father had just passed away (1/2-hour earlier) and she really needed to talk.  I was able to provide support at a time she needed someone most.

Listening to our intuition is also applicable in today’s fast-paced business world in which there is often a need for quick and accurate decisions.  Where there isn’t time to think it through, using your intuition can be a key component to making the right choice.  Instead of living “by the rules” and all the “shoulds” and “ought tos”, learning to trust and listen to our inner self, that knowingness (our intuition) can guide us every step of the way.

Here are a few tips to help you get more in touch with your inner guidance:

Practice Listening to your Intuition
Everyone receives intuitive information.  It’s a skill and the more you practice, the better you become. 

Slow Down and Relax
If you are relaxed and open to receiving valuable insights, they are more likely to happen. 

Is Your Path Clear?
Do you know what you want (rather than what you don’t want) and what it looks/feels like?  Being clear is the first step in creating it. 

What Excites You?
Passion and excitement about something are often intuitive messages. If a decision about a course of action leaves you feeling bored or drained, that’s a message saying “Don’t go there”. 

Go With Your Gut!
Instincts, gut-feelings such as “I knew I should have….”, or “I had this bitter taste in my mouth about…” are intuitive signals.  These clues can help you make decisions. 

Put it in Writing
Frame a question or an issue and then write down the thoughts or feelings that come to you.  Don’t analyze the thoughts; just put this “stream of consciousness” down on paper. 

To improve your intuitive ability, learn to make decisions on “little” information (or at least, less than other people need) and be comfortable in ambiguous situations. Life can become more interesting when you listen to your “sixth sense”.  Give it a go, you might be surprised!

On Being Human

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning is a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness
Some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome, and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows
Who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture.

Still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice. 
Go to the door laughing
And invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes
For each has been sent
As a guide from beyond.
— Rumi

Each day gives us a chance to start anew. We get to choose whether to learn from it or not; whether to embrace it and treat it as a gift or dismiss it in quiet desperation. What are you choosing?

Are You Living By Your Choices or Someone Else’s?

We can choose to be responsible for our lives … or not! There is a great deal of power in knowing that it’s up to us.  If we don’t like the way our life is, we can choose to change it!  There is always a choice although it may not seem so at times.  Even doing nothing is a choice.

To illustrate, imagine for a moment, that you are driving down a road (in your shiny new car) in your neighborhood and:

There is a deep pothole on your side of the road … you drive in … you choose to get angry and feel helpless … it isn’t your fault (they should do something about the roads!) … it takes a lot of effort to get your car out.

OR

There is a deep pothole on your side of the road but your mind is on other things … you drive in, not believing you’ve done it again … you choose to feel even more angry and helpless … it still isn’t your fault (they still haven’t fixed the road!) … again it takes a lot of effort to get your car out.

OR

There is a deep pothole on your side of the road … you see it but drive in through force of habit … you know where you are … you choose to realize it is your fault … you get out very quickly.

OR

There is a deep pothole on your side of the road … you choose to drive around it.

OR

You choose to drive down another street.

We are not controlled by outside events, as difficult as that may be to believe when we are faced with desperate situations. We always have a choice as to how we feel and the action we take. Are you blaming others for your choices or taking responsibility for your own choices? 

Choose your thoughts wisely; they become words.
Choose your words wisely; they become actions.
Choose your actions wisely; they become habits.
Choose your habits wisely; they become character.
Choose your character wisely, it becomes your future!