Midlife Inspiration: You’re Never Too Old to Live Your Dreams

I recently spent some time visiting assisted-living facilities and nursing homes.  The event that prompted this “adventure” was my mother having a stroke and becoming visually impaired. Unfortunately this necessitated her no longer being able to live on her own and therefore having to make other arrangements.

What struck me as I was investigating these facilities and talking to some of the residents was how disengaged in life many of the folks had become.  The “why” I discovered was that fundamentally they believed they had nothing left to live for.

Some hadn’t even begun to empty out their “bucket lists” –  do those things they had always dreamt about.  When I commented that it was never too late, the majority said, “Oh no, I’m too old.”  What a sad statement.

I don’t believe we’re ever too old to experience the joy of doing something we truly love, even if it’s just a small piece of it.  For example, a client once told me that, at the age of 75, he was far too old to even contemplate becoming an architect, his life’s dream.  Perhaps he wasn’t about to go back to school to do the requisite study but does that mean he couldn’t live out his dream in another way.  He could have opted to volunteer at an architect’s office or do some simple online CAD training.  Anything that was related to architectural work.

If you need some inspiration to follow your dreams, then maybe these examples might spur you on:

• Benjamin Franklin, at age 78, invented bifocal spectacles.
• Mary Fasano, age 89, earned her undergraduate degree from Harvard.
• Architect Frank Lloyd Wright designed the Guggenheim Museum at 90 years of age.
• David Ben-Gurion, the first prime minister of Israel, taught himself ancient Greek when he was at an advanced age just so he could master the classics.

Ages 35-55 might be the peak times for creativity in many fields but people in their 60s and 70s, though slower, are as productive as they were in their 20s. So if you’ve given up because you think you’re too old, think again, get rid of that limiting belief and GO FOR IT!

Cellist Pablo Casals was 91 when a student asked, “Master, why do you continue to practice?” His reply, “Because I am making progress.”

Midlife Paradise: Are You Already There Without Knowing It?

The following words by Voltaire came to mind as I was recently taking a group of people through a retirement/follow your dream workshop:  Paradise is where I am.

At one point in the workshop participants rate nine various areas of their life, on a scale of 0 (totally miserable) to 10 (whoopee, it’s my ideal).  The next portion involves each person listing 15 “must haves” that would make their life ideal. Lists are then swapped with partners, who take each other through the process of coming up with their top five. From here participants are asked to define what success would look like if they were able to live the five “must haves” at a “10” level.

Most people usually have all sorts of ideas of what would make their life ideal but one individual was having difficulty. Each time she thought about what was ideal, she discovered that she, for the most part, was already living her ideal life. 
She had come into the workshop looking for “paradise” only to discover it was where she was.  She had to go through the process and see it in written form to grasp the concept. What an eye-opener!

Are you living in paradise without even knowing it?

Action Steps

1. Take 15 minutes and define what paradise might look like for you.  Really get into the feeling of it.
2. Once you’ve defined it, identify three things you can do within the next week to move you closer to your definition of paradise.

None of us lives in paradise all the time but the more clarity you have as to what it looks and feels like, the greater will be your motivation to spend more time there.

Midlife Passion or Fantasy?

A question I was recently asked by a participant in my workshop about finding and living your passions (those things that are truly important to you) was “how do I know if this (what I want) is really my passion or just pie-in-the-sky?”  In other words, is this goal inspired by higher-level values or is it simply a fantasy?

Values are the motivators of your behavior.  Your values are those deeply-held beliefs about what is good or bad, appropriate or not, right or wrong.  They come from childhood (the first seven years when your critical-thinking skills were not developed) and are based on your observations of those people around you – parents, grandparents, teachers, religious leaders etc.

Your motivation to live your passions and achieve your goals is based on your perception of the feeling that passion will give you once it is achieved. Is that feeling internally- or externally-driven?  The answer will give you insight into whether or not your goal is a worthy one.  Whether it is truly your passion or a fantasy.

Step 1 – What is the Underlying Value?

Look at your passion/goal and ask yourself the following question until you get to an answer that repeats if you continue to ask the question – When I am living this passion (goal that is truly important), what will that get me? That repeating answer will be a value (freedom, security, peace, etc).

Example: Your passion is to be the top Country and Western singer in Nashville

Question: What will that get me?

— I’ll be in front of large audiences

What will that get me?

— Fame and fortune

What will that get me?

— Lots of money

What will that get me?

— A big house, fast cars, worldwide travel

What will that get me?

— Happiness  and fun

So the values are happiness and fun

Step 2: Is the Value Internally- or Externally-Driven?

Once you have determined what the value is, can you get it if you do not achieve your goal?  So the next question is – If I never achieve this passion, will I still be able to get/be (Value)?

From the example above: If I never get to be a famous C&W singer, can I still get happiness and fun?

If the answer is no, then you are depending on something external to yourself to bring you happiness and fun.  If achieving your goal is the ONLY way you can get happiness and fun, then you are being ego-driven.

If on the other hand, you say, “yes I can still have happiness and fun even if I never live my passion because I enjoy singing just for myself even when there is nobody around.  Singing makes me happy on the inside and it’s a tremendous amount of fun” then you are being internally motivated.

Your goal is a worthy one! You will likely have the drive and energy to pursue it until you are successful even if you are faced with challenges along the way.

Midlife: Following Your Passions: If Not Now, When?

There are a number of reality shows out there in TV land.  They feature dancers, singers, models, fashion designers, home designers, chefs etc. etc. The only show along those lines that I’ve ever really followed is Dancing With the Stars though I have to admit I enjoy the food-related ones as well.

What makes people appear on those shows?  Probably a number of different reasons but the bottom line is that they are passionate about the skill they bring to the show.  They give their all. They are focused on being absolutely the best they can be at their craft.  All in the hopes of winning and being able to fulfill the dream of living their passion.  Every decision they make, every sacrifice is based on following their passion.  Some are successful, some aren’t.

Take Paul Potts, the winner of the Got Talent competition, for example. He always liked opera. With his self-confidence at rock bottom because he was always “different”, he sang in private to console himself.  At the age of 37, nervous and shy, he nonetheless showed up for the audition of Britain’s Got Talent competition and launched into a spectacular tenor aria Nessun Dorma. The judges and the world were stunned. He went on not merely to win, but to sing for the Queen. And now having produced a hugely popular CD he is touring the world.

Are you following your passions?  If not, why not?

All too often we make choices that are not in favor of our passions because we can’t see HOW that passion could possibly be fulfilled. You are not responsible for the HOW.  Your job is to get crystal clear on the WHAT. Once you are focused on and totally committed to the WHAT, the HOW will take care of itself. By taking even small action steps you will find opportunities coming to you that you hadn’t even imagined. When Paul Potts committed to the WHAT, the HOW appeared.

You can discover your passions without spending agonizing months in front of audiences and a panel of judges.  Let The Passion Test(tm) help you become clear on those five things that would leave you feeling terribly unfulfilled if you didn’t accomplish them during your life.  If not now, when?

Midlife Transition: Follow Your Passions

Don’t let what you can’t do interfere with what you can do ~ John Wooden

I always find it fascinating to read about defining moments in someone’s life. Take, for example, an article in the Washington Post this week. One of the city’s top lawyers quit a well-known legal firm after 28 years to start up his own company giving speeches to investors and financial firms on how Washington’s laws and regulations affect their investments.

As the expert tax lawyer for the sports industry, not only did he make a substantial income, but he had access to the best sports tickets, attended all-star games, playoffs and Super Bowls and schmoozed with the “Who’s Who” in the field.  He appeared to be living a great life.  What more could he want?

What he wasn’t getting, however, was fulfillment.  He got to a point in his life when, in his words, “my two choices were to sit at my desk and do the same thing for the next 15 years. Or I could go out and do something different.”  He did something different!  Was it a tough choice? Yes, but the overwhelming need to follow that inner spark, that passion, was a driving force to make the change.

Wouldn’t it be great if you had something to get you that motivated and excited?  You can … by finding and following your passion. If you’d like to learn more, go to http://budurl.com/h7zj

In the words of Thoreau, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” Make this summer the time you find something new to be passionate about. Let your “can do” take the driver’s seat so that any “can’t do” gets left in the dust!

The Key to Getting Out of the Midlife Career Rut: Eliminate PDD (Passion Deficit Disorder)

What’s the first word that comes to mind when you think of a career?  Probably not “passion”.  For most people being passionate about their career is a dream, at least according to a 2005 Harris Interactive Study which found that only 20% of people were passionate about what they were doing.

If you are currently at a crossroads in your life and in a rut, not knowing how to climb out, perhaps it’s time you started discovering what you’re passionate about.  The journey will bring clarity and focus. It will help you find possibilities and directions.  Following your passions is about work becoming a joyful experience, about days becoming more meaningful, about happiness showing up more frequently and about relationships becoming more meaningful.

Your passions will change over time.  What you love to do today will probably not be the same in 20 years.  Perhaps you’re a person who doesn’t find their passion until later in life. Take for example, John James Audubon, one of the greatest wildlife artists. He was an unsuccessful businessman for most of his life. It didn’t matter how many times he changed locations, partners or businesses, he failed miserably.  Not until he understood that he had to change himself did he have a chance of succeeding. So what changes did he make? He followed his passion.  He always loved the outdoors and was a great hunter. In addition he was a good artist and would draw birds as a hobby. His life changed when he started doing what he loved.

To get started on this road to discovery, take some time, sit down and write out your answers to the following questions. Go with your first impulses.

• What do you love to do?
• What kind of environment do you love to be in? Predictable and slow-paced or fast-paced and constantly changing?
• What kind of people do you love to be around?
• If you could swap jobs with two other people, who would they be and why?
• Are you more comfortable in a large or small organization?  One that is formal, conservative, or creative?
• What excites you, turns you on, gets you charged up?
• What are you “a natural” at?  What do people compliment you on?
• What did you like about previous jobs that you would love to do again?
• What do you need from an organization or team to be motivated?
• What opportunities for advancement and development do you need?
• How important is long-term job security?
• Do you need a high or low level of responsibility or influence?
• How important is recognition of success?
• Is work/life balance a priority for you?
• Do you like to be under the pressure of constant deadlines or targets?
• Is being creative important to you?
• How far are you willing to commute?
• What sort of volunteering would you like to do? Is that also a possible career?
• If you could be a teacher, what two subjects would you like to teach?
• Imagine someone gave you $500,000 to invest in a business venture. What would it be?
• If you could attend any conference anywhere in the world at no cost, what would the topic be?

Once you’ve answered these questions for yourself, you’ll have a better idea of the direction in which you might want to head.  If you’re still in a fog, take a F-R-E-E profile analysis to gain greater insight into your current situation and make your vision of the future even clearer.

It’s pretty cool! Check it out here:

Passion Deficit Disorder in the Workplace

A recent Careerbuilder survey found that 40% of workers say they have had difficulty staying motivated at work in the last year. As a result, employee turnover is expected to rise in the next year as disgruntled employees look for better positions and more flexibility in the workplace.

While the recession has caused employers to reorganize their operations to remain viable, it seems that many employees have felt neglected in the process. PDD (Passion Deficit Disorder) is obviously rife in the workplace. Or expressed another way, employees are not engaged! Does this apply to you and what are you going to do about it? Wishing and hoping that your employer will fix it for you, is not going to get you very far. And finding a new job may not happen for some foreseeable future.

One thing you might do is start living in the here and now. When we compare what we have now to how much more we had in the past or how much better off we were, we are going to become disgruntled. The past is over. Life is a series of cycles. They are not good or bad unless we decide to view them that way.

“It is neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so” – William Shakespeare

At the other end of the spectrum, perhaps you are engaged in wishful thinking about how much better it could be. Planning for a better future is one thing. Constantly wishing you could already be living that future, without taking any sort of positive action, leads to dissatisfaction with the present. It leads to a life where the present is never good enough. Where you never even see the “silver lining” that might be hiding there because all your energy is being placed in the “good old days” or the “brighter future.”

If you start adopting the mindset to find the positive in the present, giving it your full attention and best efforts, that positive energy will help draw you to the better opportunities you are looking for. Continuing to find fault, blame and unhappiness with the current moment will only keep you locked in negative energies and attracting more of the same.

I recently watched a client go through an amazing transformation after she took notice of how her thoughts were keeping her stuck in unhappiness. Locked in a job she hated, she was spiraling out of control, finding it an immense chore to get up for work every morning. When she started focusing on doing her very best, even when faced with the most mundane of tasks, she felt more at peace. Soon thereafter, once her superiors started to notice a change in her attitude and demeanor, she was given greater responsibility and more fun duties. As a result she is now well on the way to getting a promotion that will bring her much more fulfillment.

So remember, to change your life, you have to change your thoughts! When you change your thoughts, you can change PDD (Passion Deficit Disorder) to PED (Passion Every Day).

If you are stuck on figuring out what you’re passionate about, the following book can give you some clues.

Midlife Dreams

Our life is composed greatly from dreams, from the unconscious, and they must be brought into connection with action. They must be woven together ~ Anais Nin, French author

Follow Your Passions

Taking a short mental vacation during the day can transport you to another place. Here you can relive wonderful experiences, precious moments with loved ones, or memories of faraway places.  You can be yourself and follow your star. Perhaps you’ve already lived some dreams but deep down inside you know there are more waiting to be discovered.

Let your mind wander to what the future may hold.  To dreams of goals yet not achieved, people not yet encountered, passions not yet found.  Re-discover and awaken your inner creativity.  Don’t reason, analyze or think. Just go!  Bask in the feelings of living a fulfilled life.  What are you going to create?

As you let your mind wander, imagine that you are at the end of the coming year:

• What positive change will you have made?
• What will have been your biggest accomplishment?
• What is the most important thing you will have learned about yourself?
• What will you have done to experience the most joy?
• How will you have had fun?
• Who or what will you have been most committed to?
• What was the biggest risk you will have taken?
• Who will you have made smile often?

Weave together your dreams, those sparks of aliveness. Allow them to inspire you and create your purpose.  Fueled by purpose you will experience a powerful and enduring source of energy.  Focus on what moves you and is meaningful and PDD (“Passion Deficit Disorder”) will be a thing of the past!

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost.  That is where they should be. Now put foundations under them ~ Henry David Thoreau

Are You Experiencing the “True Joy of Life?”

True Joy of Life

This is the true joy of life.
The being used for a purpose
Recognized by yourself as a mighty one.
The being a force of nature
Instead of a feverish, selfish
True Joy of Life

This is the true joy of life.
The being used for a purpose
Recognized by yourself as a mighty one.
The being a force of nature
Instead of a feverish, selfish
Little clod of ailments and grievances
Complaining that the world will not
Devote itself to making you happy.
I am of the opinion that my life
Belongs to the whole community
And as long as I live,
It is my privilege to do for it
Whatever I can.
I want to be thoroughly
Used up when I die,
For the harder I work the more I live.
I rejoice in life for its own sake.
Life is no brief candle to me.
It is a sort of splendid torch
Which I’ve got hold of
For the moment
And I want to make it burn
As brightly as possible before
Handing it on to future generations

— George Bernard Shaw

 
Is your life a tiny flicker, barely giving out a glimmer of light?  Do you feel used up without any sort of spark left to keep you going?  When was the last time you felt the burning heat of a “splendid torch?”  If your answers are “Yes”, “Yes” and “I can’t remember”, then you probably aren’t living a life focused on those things that are important to you.

When you are living a life fueled by your own passions, you feel alive, motivated and filled with enthusiasm.  You are driven to experience that “splendid torch” again and again. Living someone else’s life (for example, “I’m a lawyer because it’s what my parents wanted”) or living a mediocre existence because you are afraid to live the one you secretly desire will never light the torch, at least not for any length of time.

If you don’t know what sets your torch alight, what your purpose is, I can help you find the spark that will ultimately turn into a roaring blaze.  Isn’t it time?

Midlife Mist

Over the holidays we’ve had some interesting weather here in the Washington DC region. Cold winter weather with a snowstorm followed by unseasonably warmer weather which caused late-night and early-morning fogs. As I drove through these foggy conditions, I started thinking about the fog we can sometimes feel like we’re in at certain times of our lives.

Feeling unfocused and befuddled we may feel like we can’t see what direction we are headed in.  All of a sudden we are stuck because we’re afraid we might run headlong into “something hidden in the fog.” Sometimes it takes a fog to slow us down so that we can become still and go within.  Perhaps there is an important lesson here that we need to learn.  Is there an emotional issue that we need to deal with? Are we bored and unmotivated in a job? Have we lost our way in life and need to find the light in the mist to get us back on track?

It’s uncomfortable being in a fog, but when the sun comes out, the fog lifts. You can find that sun inside by determining what is important to you in your life right now. What would get you excited and motivated to jump out of bed in the morning? What are you really passionate about? What do you do that seems to make time stand still?

Harness that excitement, start to take some steps in the direction of your passions and you will feel the warmth of the sun dispersing the fog around you. Those foggy times in our lives come and go.  When one surrounds you, don’t let impatience take over.  Stop, redirect your attention onto your inner light and let it guide you out into the sun.