I Want to Follow my Passions but I’m Afraid of Change

I know what my passion is and what my ideal life looks like but I can’t get there from here!

Plenty of people say they want to start living their passions but never seem to be able to make it to first base because they don’t understand how powerful their fears about making changes are.  These conscious or subconscious fears will stop you dead in your tracks every time unless you deal with them. 

EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) has been extremely successful as a tool for eliminating those negative beliefs that stop you from living a more fulfilled life. You may come up with many different beliefs but the first one I want to address is Fear of Change.

Here are the EFT Setup Phrases, followed by two rounds (one negative and one positive) for the specific topic of being afraid to change:

If you are not familiar with EFT, go to http://www.blueprints4change.com/pdf/EFTprocedure.pdf to view the tapping points.

EFT Setup Phrases

Step 1. Tapping the karate chop point (either hand is fine), repeat the following statements out loud (or use words that fit your own situation)

Even though a part of me is afraid to change and follow my passions, I deeply and completely accept myself.

Even though other people may not like it if I follow my passions, I choose to go in that direction anyway.

Even though change is hard, I accept who I am and that I have these beliefs.

 
Step 2.  Focusing on the challenge, tap on negative phrases such as…

Eyebrow: I don’t want to change

Side of Eye: Change is scary

Under Eye: I don’t want to upset _____(name)

Under Nose: It’s not safe to change and follow my passions

Under Chin: It’s not safe for  ______(name) if I change

Collarbone: I feel comfortable staying where I am

Under Arm:  I don’t want to make any waves

Top of Head: It’s easier if I don’t change

 
Step 3. Focusing on the solution, tap on positive phrases such as…
Eyebrow: I do want to make the change

Side of Eye: ______(name) can handle it

Under Eye: I will do whatever it takes to make the change

Under Nose: Maybe I WILL be safe in following my passions

Under Chin: I deserve to follow my passions

Collarbone: I love following my passions

Under Arm:  I want to live a more passionate life

Top of Head: I feel free to release this fear now

Continue tapping and notice how you feel more calm and balanced by eliminating the emotional distress related to your issue.
 

My blog post Change your Mind, Change your Life demonstrated the power of mind/body techniques in helping my mother-in-law recover extremely quickly from surgery for lung cancer.  You can find that post at http://budurl.com/ywdb

If you would like to learn more about EFT, go to http://budurl.com/WorldCenterforEFT and download the free manual.

Living your Passions: One Step at a Time

Do the things you need to do when you need to do them, and eventually you can do the things you want to do when you want to do them – Zig Ziglar

In following up with some of my clients who have taken The Passion Test I hear comments like I know what my passions are and what I must do but I have too much on my plate right now or I’m frustrated, I don’t know what to do first. 

I know how my clients feel because my frustration at the moment is related to spending too much time in front of the computer and not being able to get out there and enjoy the summer.

What to do?  “Roman wasn’t built in a day” … yet we tend to want to do everything all at once. So what if it doesn’t ALL get done this week?  Will it really be such a catastrophe?  What’s the worst thing that can happen (it doesn’t usually happen anyway) if you don’t complete your WHOLE “To-Do” list? Can you handle it if the worst does happen? 

If the answer is yes, then step back and take just ONE important thing you have been putting off and commit to doing it this week. It’s much easier to do one thing … if you think about doing all 10, you’ll most likely not do any of them.  Eventually you will have completed all the steps and be able to sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labor.  It’s a step-by-step process.

Create Your Life: It’s a Choice!

Create Your Life

 

The future is not a result of choices among alternative paths offered by the present, but a place that is created—created first in mind and will, created next in activity.  The future is not some place we are going to, but one we are creating.   The paths to it are not found but made, and the activity of making them changes both the maker and the destination–

John H(omer) Schaar (born July 7, 1928), scholar and political theorist.

We all have our stories based on our experiences and the belief system that evolved from those experiences.  The way we confront, rise above and transform them creates the picture that we call OUR LIFE.

If you want to see how powerful you are, look at your life. It is the expression of all the beliefs you have held till now.

Perhaps the first thing that comes to your mind is “bad news.”  However, the GOOD NEWS is that if you don’t like the movie, you can change it.  The choice is up to you!

How do you change your negative beliefs might be your next question!  My favorite way is by using EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques)   If you would like to learn more about EFT, contact me via my website at http://www.blueprints4change.com

Passion and Purpose:What are You Failing to Notice?

The first step in living a life of purpose is to get clear on those things which are of importance to you.  It is, however, one thing to clarify your passions and quite another to adopt a behavior that is in accordance with them on a daily basis. We all have an amazing capacity to deceive ourselves. 

Facing the truth about the disparity between who you want to be and who you really are can be difficult. We resort to all sorts of ways of burying any awareness of ourselves that is upsetting or hurtful.  But until you make a choice to “walk through the fog”, there is no beginning point for change.

Psychiatrist R.D. Laing put this into words in the following way –

The range of what we think and do
Is limited by what we fail to notice
And because we fail to notice
That we fail to notice
There is little we can do
To change
Until we notice
How failing to notice
Shapes our thoughts and deeds

What are you failing to notice in your life?

Entrepreneurship for Baby Boomers: Follow your Passion

Passion Leads to Success

A new study (The Coming Entrepreneurship Boom) by the Ewing Marion Kauffman Foundation indicates that the US might be on the cusp of an entrepreneurship boom because of the aging population. It seems that the greatest number of those getting into the entrepreneurial mode belongs to the 55-64 age group.  The days of finding security with an institution that’s “too big to fail” are over.

Have you been thinking of starting a business?  If so, are you following your passion?  There is nothing greater that you can do with your life and your work than follow your heart. The secret to success is getting clear on those things that are the most important to you, being committed to focusing on them on a daily basis and taking some small step in that direction.

Ask yourself three important questions – do I love it (whatever business it is I am thinking about), do I have the skills to be good at it and does the world need it? If the answer to all three is YES, then you have a winning combination.
 
To find your mission in life is to discover the intersection between your heart’s deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger – Frederick Beekner

If you don’t have a clue as to your passions, take The Passion Test™ and let it guide you in finding and clarifying those five things that you would love to be, do or have in your life. When you find your passion, your enthusiasm for your business will be unstoppable. Almost all of the individuals whom I have guided through The Passion Test™  have responded with something like “It’s been an eye-opening experience” or “I never would have guessed that these are the five things that are the MOST important to me.”

To take The Passion Test™ online, go to http://budurl.com/pton or contact me if you would like some hands-on personal coaching.

If you are in the Washington DC area and would like to attend a Passion Test class, I will be holding a 3-hour workshop on Saturday, June 27 from 10:00am – 1:00pm. You can get more information or register at http://www.takeaclass.org

Brain Fog, Irritation and Grumpiness: Perhaps it’s your Sweet Tooth

Have you ever woken up in the morning feeling positively grumpy, out-of-sorts and “fuzzy-minded” for no apparent reason?  It happened to me this morning but the “no apparent reason” was a five-letter word – SUGAR.  It doesn’t take much of the sweet stuff for me to OD. Dessert two times in a row (it was my birthday after all), followed by a piece of extremely sweet key lime pie last night.

Aside from raising insulin levels, depressing the immune system and causing triglycerides to rise, sugar has been observed to cause mood swings, contribute to depression and anxiety, and cause mineral imbalances. For these and numerous other reasons, it’s a good idea to limit your sugar intake. An excellent substitute is stevia.

Stevia is an herb with extraordinary sweetening power.  It has a mild licorice-like taste and is actually many times sweeter than white sugar.  Unlike other sweetening agents, stevia is completely calorie-free, never initiates a rise in blood sugar, contains no chemicals or artificial ingredients, is completely nontoxic, can be used in baking and actually inhibits the formation of cavities and tooth plaque.  Although it’s a plant indigenous to South America, stevia has been used by cultures all over the world for hundreds of years.  It’s especially popular in countries like Korea and Japan, where people are very cautious about the use of artificial sweeteners.

In his book Natural Health, Natural Medicine: The Complete Guide to Wellness and Self-Care for Optimum Health Andrew Weil, M.D., advises people to avoid the use of artificial sweeteners which he regards as more hazardous than food preservatives.  Anne Louise Gittleman shares a similar perspective in Super Nutrition for Women (Revised Edition).  Both books describe numerous health problems that many researchers believe are associated with artificial sweeteners, including headaches, dizziness, seizures, allergies and even cancer.

My favorite book on tips to reduce your sugar intake is Anne Louise Gittleman’s Get the Sugar Out, Revised and Updated 2nd Edition: 501 Simple Ways to Cut the Sugar Out of Any Diet. For example: chew on a cinnamon stick to help curb your sweet tooth.

Tone Communicates More Than Words

Have you noticed how often what you say is misinterpreted because of the TONE of your words? Frequently it’s not what you say but how you say it.  The tone of your words can communicate so much more than the actual words.
 
 Zig Ziglar in his book, Secrets of Closing the Sale demonstrates how the way you say something can dramatically alter what you mean to say. In the sentences below, accentuate the one word which appears in CAPS. Simply put extra emphasis on that one word as you read out loud. Each sentence is exactly the same, but watch what happens when you place emphasis on the different words.
 
“I” didn’t say he broke the cup. (Someone else said it)
 
I DIDN’T say he broke the cup. (I flatly deny saying it)
 
I didn’t SAY he broke the cup. (I implied it, though)
 
I didn’t say HE broke the cup. (Someone else, not him)
 
I didn’t say he BROKE the cup. (Perhaps cracked it, but definitely did not break it)

I didn’t say he broke the CUP. (It was actually a small jug)
 
Aren’t the differences interesting? All because you merely accentuated a different word in the exact same sentence!
 
By noticing our voice inflection and intonation, we can work magic with words, and improve our positive communication skills in dramatic ways.  Practice noticing “how” you say things to people even more than “what” you say to people.

Expectations: Should You Have Them?

Last night I was giving a seminar on developing a Personal Strategic Life Plan in order to live with more passion, motivation and “fire in the belly.” One of the principles involved in living a more passionate life is letting go of expectations which usually get us into more hot water than we can imagine. When we live in expectation, we are giving control to our ego.

If you stop and think about it, how many times have you been upset, frustrated, annoyed and downright furious because someone didn’t do what you thought they should? I bet your life is full of those moments.  I know I’ve had my share! 

We forget that just as we filter our thoughts through our own experiences and background, so does everyone else.  Just because we have certain sets of behaviors, doesn’t mean that the next person has the same ones. Yet we expect them to.  So when something doesn’t go according to our expectations, we get miffed.  Rather egotistical on our part, wouldn’t you say!

Think about the last time this happened to you. What other thought could you have had other than the one you did?  Perhaps you didn’t have all the facts as to why that person behaved the way they did.  Perhaps you thought the other person should change to match your expectation.  Trying to change another person is an exercise in futility, is extremely frustrating and can cause much damage to a relationship.  The only person you can change is yourself.

Expectations

So think about letting go of expectations and just staying open to what comes along.  I’m not saying here that you let people trample all over your boundaries. Just don’t expect them to follow your “shoulds.” It’s not easy but it’s part of the growth process.

Next time you find yourself with an expectation of some specific outcome, whether it relates to a situation or a person’s behavior, see if you can identify what faulty assumptions you might be making. Ask yourself if you truly understand the circumstances and become aware of the possible consequences of putting a lot of energy into your expectations.  Allow the other person to come from a place of integrity and values (even if you don’t agree) and allow yourself to be in alignment with your own values. You’ll release stress and tension and you might just learn something new.

Whew … isn’t that freeing!

Eyestrain

Like many of you, I spend a considerable amount of time at my computer.  One of the effects I’ve been noticing is eyestrain.  I’ve been blessed with good eyesight even though I’m a Baby Boomer and they keep telling us that eyesight declines with age.  So far I’m fine without glasses although doing very close-up work, like reading labels on supplement bottles, is beginning to come under the heading of “fuzzy”.

Long hours staring at a computer screen causes us to forget to blink and replenish moisture to our eyes.  We only blick about 5 times per minute as opposed to the average of 12 times.  But there is a way to relieve sore eyes, and it’s as close as your fingertips.

Rub your hands together briskly for 10 seconds, generating heat. Close your eyes and place your palms over your eyes, resting the heels of your hands on your cheekbones and your fingertips on your forehead. Do not apply pressure.  Hold your hands in place for at least one minute while you relax your facial muscles and breathe deeply.  The deep breathing coinciding with the warmth of your palms combines to relax the weary muscles around your eyes.

Do this about every 20 minutes.  It’s also a good idea to get up from in front of the screen, move around and focus your eyes on other things, particularly objects in the distance.  Be good to your eyes and they will be good to you!

You Have My Complete Attention!

Do you remember when you last said those words?  When was the last time you REALLY listened to someone?  When did you give your UNDIVIDED attention to what was being communicated without already forming your response?  I’d hazard a guess and say that it doesn’t happen too frequently. Knowing that someone is not listening or paying full attention is stressful particularly if it happens on an ongoing basis.  Many relationships suffer from communication breakdown related to one or both of the partners not listening.

Poor listening skills are developed throughout life.  They begin with bad habits such as not paying attention, listening but not hearing due to preconceived ideas, rehearsing a response while the other person is still speaking, interrupting and not waiting for the real meaning to be divulged and hearing what is expected rather than what is meant and so on.

So how well do you listen?  Read through the following and rate yourself:

Do I have your undivided attention?

Listening Grades:
 
F
  “HUH” – “I don’t know what you said,” (implying “and I don’t care!”)
 
D
 “Yes – BUT” – speaker only hears “BUT.” You let the other person talk but you have been preparing your response, not listening.

C
 “HMMMM” – just quietly passively listening.  You are letting the other person talk but not preparing a response.

B
“Aaah” – actively listening.  You are really trying to understand.

 
A
“Let me see if I understand what you just said, “…” is that what you said?” You can tell the other person just what he/she told you.  She/he knows you understand.

A+
Same as “A” but stating the other’s thoughts in a more compelling way than she/he did in the first place.
To improve your listening skills, identify your own bad habits and make an effort to change them. Become an ACTIVE listener.  It takes mental effort and attention but you will be rewarded with more effective communication and less misunderstanding.   So remember:

• Avoid prejudging
• Listen with the mind, not the emotions
• If the subject is boring, listen for information that is useful or important
• Notice non-verbal language
• Shut out distractions and concentrate on the message
• Be intellectually curious