Midlife – Eliminate Procrastination and Start Living the Life You Want

Have you ever put off your most important tasks until later and then later and later while you are busy with less important issues?  Do you find it difficult to make decisions? Maybe you’ve been called lazy because you hope that you may have more time and be in a better mood in the future to start a project and do it properly? Perhaps you have a belief that you don’t deserve success!

If you’ve spent the first half of your life being plagued by procrastination, perhaps now is the time to change your thinking and deal with this compulsion so that you can live a more productive second half of life.  A hidden self-sabotaging program lies at the root of procrastination.  This program is fueled by self-fulfilling prophecies and beliefs such as

I don’t deserve it
I’m not acceptable
I’m not good enough
I don’t belong
I’m not wanted
It’s always my fault
Life is a struggle

Many of these self-fulfilling prophecies were created before birth, at birth or during our earliest days.  Becoming aware of these negative beliefs that create our indecision and anxiety about completing our goals is the first step in ridding ourselves of this troublesome behavior.

If you find yourself using any of the typical “procrastinator phrases” such as

I wish I could
I should
I shouldn’t
I have to
I had better
If I don’t
I probably will
I hope to
Maybe I will
I think I could
I’ll try
I need to
If only I could

Replace them with the following instead

I will ______ because I want to
I will definitely _____
I am confident that I can _____
It’s in my power to _____
I choose to _____ now
I know I can _____

Consider how your life might change if you were to stop procrastinating.  The things that are holding you back most are the ones which will free you the most – once you take action.  Take that action now! 

In the next post I will talk about a tool that you can use to help get rid of your “procrastinator beliefs”.

Pay It Forward in Midlife

The first half of our lives is usually about US – careers, success, family, the big house, the new car.  During the second half of our lives we realize that giving back is more important – helping others, the environment and the planet. When I came across this quote today, it seemed to say it all!!!

May I be a passage of life-enhancing virtues:
Compassion, love, peace, and happiness
Harmony, courage, encouragement;
Truth, trust, comfort and support,
Health, wellbeing and wisdom.
That I may generate, nurture, and multiply these virtues
Like golden flowers in my inner-garden,
And hand them to all beings I encounter
In order to help enhance the quality of their lives.
In further hopes that some of these beings will decide
to nurture and multiply these virtues as well
And pass them on to others.           
— Bhavatu Sabba Mangalam

Give Yourself Permission to Take a Break

Back from Oz

I just returned from a few weeks visiting family in Canberra, Australia. You may have noticed the gap in blog posts!!!

It was a busy time particularly as most days were spent driving more than 20 miles, each way, from where we were staying at my niece’s to my mother’s place in the city. In the past we’ve been able to stay together in one house but due to family relocations, this is no longer possible.

One of my passions is being as healthy and fit as I can be.  Consequently, I take a portable yoga mat whenever I travel for more than a few days. I have found yoga to be of tremendous benefit, not only for mind/body balance but also for keeping my body limber and free from most aches and pains. Especially helpful as we age!

So, as usual, my yoga mat accompanied me to Australia but not once did it see the light of day. I just couldn’t seem to find the extra 30-45 minutes to get into my practice. Initially this really bothered me and I felt rather guilty.  After contemplating the issue for a few days I realized that spending quality time with my mother, whom I only see every two years, was more important.  I was letting my I should be doing yoga get the better of my I want to be spending time with Mum.

Sometimes we allow our shoulds to overcome our wants. So I gave myself permission to let go of the guilt, be in the moment, and enjoy the precious times with family. Yoga would still be there when I returned home!

Have you forgotten the last time you took a break without feeling guilty? 

The last time you were out of sorts because you felt you should be doing something else?

Don’t let guilt deprive you of life’s beautiful moments. Give yourself permission to take a break and lighten the load of guilt and frustration, replacing it with all sorts of wonderful, positive feelings like joy, fun, connection, friendship and love.

Stress Management: April Taxes the Body, Mind and Soul

When faced with stressful situations such as doing the paperwork for the dreaded annual tax return (which we’re probably all doing right now), studies have found that blood clotting factors associated with increased risk of heart disease are much higher than in calm periods.  Blood platelets increase in numbers as does their tendency to clump together. Levels of clot-promoting factors jump.  These changes in blood during chronic mental stress associated with increased workload may provide one of the links between mental stress and heart disease.  Blood coagulation is just part of the picture. Mental stress has other damaging effects. Arteries constrict and become more susceptible to blockage, blood pressure and cholesterol levels increase, sleep and diet patterns change.  Midlife is the time when we start to notice these health issues.

Each of us operates a machine so incredibly complex that researchers are continually making new findings about it.  We often read of things we should do to keep the machine – our bodies – running well. 

Wellness is not just a body issue.  It is a holistic concept.  Anything short of that is incomplete and ultimately ineffective.  We need to look at the whole person – the body, mind and spirit.  Just picking the dimension of wellness that you like or that is convenient and minimizing the others doesn’t work in the long run.

*** Imagine each dimension of wellness in your life like a spoke on a wheel.  Draw a picture of your wellness wheel, extending your nutrition spoke, your physical fitness spoke, your personal growth spoke, your spiritual development spoke, your play spoke, your community involvement spoke, your work spoke, etc out as far as you feel you have developed it and practice what you preach.  Does your wheel look like it would roll reasonably well?  Or does it have numerous jagged edges?  Would it not roll at all? Where do you need to put more energy to make the wheel more balanced? ***

Living only for this moment, with the intention of making it the fullest moment possible, will help you to achieve a better quality of life in all the areas of your “wellness wheel”.  There are many things that we think about in a minute of time.  We see our new experiences through glasses that have been molded by our old experiences.  We look to the future with uncertainty, hopes, fears and excitement and we tend to take things for granted if we are not fully focused on experiencing life in the current moment.  We need to learn to savor every moment as it happens, keeping our minds completely in the present, as much as possible.  This is not easy, but the payoffs are tremendous. 

The past is behind us, and if you think about it, no longer exists, except in our minds.  The future does not exist either, because we are not there yet.   Most of us base our current fears of what will happen in the future on experiences we had in the past. Some of us cannot get over the memories of past experiences. We may become fearful that these experiences might happen again.  Being in this situation only robs us of being able to enjoy life in the current moment, so we need to make a choice on whether we want to allow the past to color our current experiences, or whether we want to take control and remain focused. 

Living in the moment does not necessarily mean living as if there is no tomorrow.  You still need to plan for the future.  Conscious living means becoming aware of all the choices we have and acting on them. It involves the realization that we don’t have to run our lives on automatic pilot.

Just remember that YOU ARE EXACTLY WHERE YOU NEED TO BE RIGHT NOW.  Spend your time thoughtfully and appreciate every moment (good or difficult) and you will fill your life with value and purpose, rather than letting years and experiences go to waste.

Blueprints For Boomers: Are you Heading in the Right Direction?

Here we are almost a quarter way into the new year.  Strange how it feels like January just began   How are you doing sticking to your New Year’s resolutions?  Even if you didn’t make any, you probably have some goals you are trying to achieve.  My goal for the year was to start this blog. Since you are reading these words, I’m obviously on track.  So far so good though I have to say it’s not been without considerable frustration!  Technology sometimes gets the better of me! 

Resolutions are wonderful, positive goals that we set for ourselves.  Sometimes they last several weeks but unless they are a part of something that we are passionate about, something that is truly important to us, they will usually disappear into that “black hole” that contains all those other goals we somehow never managed to get around to.

Isn’t it time then, at the midpoint in your life, to finally get serious about your dreams, the things that you’ve wanted but for one reason or another, never allowed yourself to go after. Isn’t it time to start consciously creating your life? In the words of Janet Attwood, co-author of The Passion Test™, when you are clear, what you want will show up in your life, and only to the extent you are clear. 
 
One way to get clear is to ask yourself what your ideal life would look like, a process that is described in detail in the book, The Passion Test™. If your life were perfect, exactly the way you wanted it to be, what would that look like?  How would you be? What would you be doing or having?  To stimulate thought in this area, some of the questions I ask my clients include:

• What motivates you/drives you/gives you satisfaction?
• What would you do if money were of no concern?
• What would make you jump out of bed with joy and enthusiasm in the morning?
• What do you dream about that you’ve never shared with anyone?
• What did you always want to be when you were a child?
• What would you regret NOT having done if your life were ending?
• What do you do that makes “time stand still”?
• What are you really good at doing, that you also truly enjoy?
• What do you love about yourself?
• What is the theme of the books you read or things you collect?
• At the end of your life, what do you want people to say was your greatest achievement?

You’ve probably spent the first half of your life catering more to the needs of others than yourself, so take the time now to put yourself first.  Reflect on the answers to these questions and you will be taking the first step towards redesigning your blueprints for living. The first step towards creating a more fulfilling life and to being more in alignment with those things that are TRULY important to you.  It’s about time, wouldn’t you say!